No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. After a very entertaining and tasty dinner at a casual restaurant, we went outside to where a jazz concert was going on. It is possible your husband could be having a physical, sexual affair with another woman or possibly an emotional. Literally in our home, in our space, with a very good friend all part of a couple etc.. a friendship grew and grew and he did nothing at all to stop it. It makes me sick the lengths she went to, and I truly believe it was her manipulation, making him feel guilty for him being home with his family. Of course, theres more to a relationship than physical attractionbut it is important. The full 3 months have gone by and your dog has settled in. He's in good form from the minute he wakes up (unlike me). I should have kicked her out immediately and filed for divorce. My h would tell me, he didnt want her on medication, in the next breathe he would tell me to go take medication. John, I felt exactly the same as you after I found out bout my XWWs almost 2 year affair. Respecting his wishes will go a long way in making him feel more inclined to spend time with you. Im exhausted and burned out. If she only knew. He is at the point where it scares him to think of what he could have lost. That's as good a moment as any to assess your connections and consider if your friends are just busy, or if they're brushing you off for another reason. In many cases, it may be that your spouse is feeling overwhelmed or emotionally isolated. Over the years, she had torn down my self esteempiece by piece. Before we got married, he kept himself clean. You words ring true, I have read it so many times in the hundreds of relationship books, when a person invests in a relationship the relationship is important to them and will do everything to preserve it. Time will tell. Healthy communication is consistently cited as one of the most important elements of a successful marriage. Gizfield, I had put on heaps of weight too after my children, I guess she thought she had the upper hand. That was still intact. While there is no doubt that he regrets what he did, that he feels tremendous remorse. Blessings friend! Because he is home 24/7 the bills have increased. there was a time he was the life of the party and now.I believe he is depressed and has seen his doctor and neurologists for his headaches but no one has told him he may suffer from depression . I even wrote a comment to that effect not long ago. As you say, freedom to do what you want, and in my husband's case, no mood swings, he is always just even tempered. The judge stated that nobody wins in a divorce. If you suspect this is the case, youll need to have a serious conversation about whats going on and how its affecting your relationship. and we started dating. Oh wait, here I am doing JUST THAT, LOL LOL. I told him what I can look on his desk. On my birthday . This commitment keeps me here but I dont know what kind of godly marriage this is, when he contributes no energy or time to it. This short guide tells you what you need to know to survive the affair, heal yourself and emerge on the other side a stronger person. All through his fog. I work full time and my husband has been retired for 10 years. Your boys sound wonderful, and your husband is an idiot. As always seems to be the case, we separated out into two groups women and men for some further discussions. I busted my ass for 2 years afterward trying to keep her stimulated with things to do, trips, vacations, outingswhatever. Your story proves my point. Take care. Even he says he had no complaints. Its so frustrating and can make you feel really lonely. I realized that I was not bored because I was always giving to our marriage and familyshe was the taker which meant she was always waiting for something to be given to her or to happen for her. So, what gives, lol? Yes! He lied to her, manipulated her, made her promises he didnt keep. Absolutely 100%. I had almost no confidence left by the time I discovered her cheating. All lies he makes up to mess with her head. Agreed. You deserve to have a marriage that doesnt just survive - it thrives! he doesnt want things to improve. I even take our children to the seaside on my own. My husband is a homebody, so am i, but i do like to go out just for an hour or (walk the dog , or take the kids to the park on their bikes). If I had listened to my gut and gone with my instinct, I could have stopped this all much much sooner. Not until later on the drive home did I learn what the gals were chatting about. My husband doesn t like spending time with my family, but why? Our marriage for many years was all about our kids and their activities, sports, etc. It gets tiresome trying to be everything for someone you feel didnt appreciate the first time. I however am back to working full time at our business since he practically decimated it with his affair partner working there so I dont have much time or inclination to be the perfect homemaker he used to be married to. Things have evened out quite a bit and we have some nice little teamwork going on. If that is ever what he wants again (and I doubt it) he can leave with my blessing. They were also agitated, aggravated and fed up. Besides, Im a fun person and I do like to do sh*t! I will NEVER go through this again. They are selfishly seeking attention, with NO intention of giving up their real relationship. I vent ONLY to my bff, who knows our story and my level of commitment to this relationship. Spending quality time together is a desirable trait in every marriage and shouldnt be compromised. Speak with your doctor about whether you even have anything to disclose at this point. I give up on getting a true apology. It does not matter to whom you are referring.). It is so easy to make our lives about our kids. Required fields are marked *, My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything With Me: 10 Reasons Why and What to Do About It, on My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything With Me: 10 Reasons Why and What to Do About It, Why Husband Blames Me For Everything: The Truth Behind Relationship Arguments, 11 Signs of Selfish Husband and How to Deal With Him. 2010-2019 Emotional Affair Journey. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. At least mine was, for a while. If you focus on his negative qualities, itll only push him away. But threats of leaving, cutting off "privileges," or even threats . Some people are able to deal with reaching those limits in a healthy way (seeking help, being honest, or even leaving) and others implode. Find ways to bond over shared experiences: taking a walk, cooking dinner, going to a concert or sporting event, or playing a board game or cards together. First, that you need to be true to yourself and work towards the things that bring you the most joy in . Blah blah blah. Even if youre not trying to ignore him, busyness can create an emotional barrier. She does not know our situation. Time for ME to start setting the bar for my OWN self-esteem and not basing it on HIS assessment of me. I just didnt want to believe what was actually happening and also, I didnt have the guts! unless he goes to work doesnt want to go out at all but will sometimes . What about commitment as a daily choice? Now I am thinking of calling it quitsnever thought I would feel this way..worked so hard to keep my marriage together.but Ive been at this now for 4 years and still not sure if one day he is going to come home and say he is leaving. During our false R, I too felt like a fool, like I was being used. Leaving Her Alone One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. I felt gutted. Arent all of you lucky:). They are NOT as unhappy as they profess themselves to be. This is especially true if he notices other women and gives you compliments less often. Thankfully, my h told her, there is no way I will take the children away from their mother. It can only be inspired. He doesn't spend time with you anymore At one time, you and your husband were inseparable, and he always put you first. These are the games she played, along with you promised me thus, you promised me that, boo hoo. I wasnt neglecting him or abusing him in any way. Most partners want to make their S/O happy so tell them how. Plan a weekly date night where you go out to dinner or see a movie, Go on weekend trips together even if its just for a few hours, Make time for a weekly game night or hobby night, Exercise together this can be anything from going for a walk to playing tennis. I don't think . If your husband feels like youre constantly nagging him, hell likely start to dread spending time with you. I am with him 24/7 365 and at 65 I have become his parent. 25 Signs Your Husband Doesn't Love You Anymore 1. My son is starting his divorce proceedings this week and he has a 3 year old son. he says he knows I am fighting for us but he also knows me and I am just getting ready for when we divorce. You absolutely tell it like it is. It runs in his family and he has suffered with it and sleep disorder for years. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. It may be kind of obscure sometimes but its there. John It scares me to think shell never truly appreciate what she has and may again look for it outside our marriage. I value your opinion so I really appreciate your comments. Ughhhh. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. She made sure to find me enough work to make sure I never uttered or even thought those words again! Constantly needing reassurance from your spouse can be suffocating and is likely one of the reasons why hes pulling away. Not that Im interested one bit. Lets face it, we arent children anymore, either have an adult relationship or dont, if you do not want to, then let the other person go so he/she can. You know it has nothing to do with looks. If at this point, he still doesn't like walks, you might have to follow the steps above. We have a son who lives in Australia and he would not even go see him. Its in cases just like this that many people turn to infidelity in an ill-fated attempt to solve their boredom (or some other) problem. She got to screw another guy for 2 years and I was now bending over backwards trying to make her happywth? I ended up losing it through the ea, and looked damn good, yet became in the mind, of here I am looking good, yet my h still doesnt let her go. If youre always demanding his attention, hell likely start to feel suffocated. So as a reward for trying to keep my marriage together I get to work harder than ever on our relationship while my character and personality is constantly on trial. That said, anyone who knows my husband and I would say that HE is the boring one; ie, wants to stay home, etc. His demeanour physically / the way he moves is gentle and measured. Not exactly good party talk! My spouse is: old, fat, boring, lazy, doesnt like sex, doesnt love me, harsh, critical, unappreciative, ugly, jealous, nagging, a shrew, etc. If youve gained a lot of weight, let your hair go gray, or stopped caring about your appearance, its possible your husband no longer finds you attractive. The betrayed spouses often like to place more blame on the OW. One of the main signs of a disrespectful husband is when he never ever asks your opinion on anything. Just a little! SHOW NOTES To see pictures of Stacy on some of his many climbing . If he has been married before he doesnot see the need to impress again. e. just because someone throws something down it doesnt mean you have to pick it up. So, if you think this might be the explanation for the issue my husband never wants to do anything with me, make an effort to lose weight, get a new haircut, or buy some new clothes. Refusal to go for walks could be signs of an underlying behavioral issue. Make sure you can handle your luggage easily. Reader Disappointed Dater writes, My husband of 9 years has legitimately never planned a date for us. 3. And while that might sound easy enough, many of the common phrases we say in our daily lives can get in the way of achieving the goal of keeping an open dialogue between spouses. While it IS true that there is not a marriage on this planet that could not benefit from better communication, increased date nights and focus on each other as a couple, etc, feel free to add your wants and needs.Cheating is WRONG. This blog post will discuss the ten most common reasons why your spouse might not want to spend time with you and what you can do about it. I brought it up in marriage counseling and the counselor said if he was bored it was because he was boring. Problems arise when you leave the house early, barely speaking to or connecting with your wife before you dash out the door. I know the signs now, I know his tells when something is up. For example, would he prefer to spend time alone with you? If I interrupt the tv he gets annoyed. Read More All related (100+) Sort Recommended JMMendez Im running out of ideas and shes boring the sh## outta me and shes the one who cheated. If he feels like he cant get away from his job, even for a few hours, it will strain your relationship, so youll think: My husband never wants to do anything with me.. True. Linda claims it was the other two women that were doing all of the complaining (uh, huh) and the core complaints were that their husbands never wanted to do anything and were basically boring stick-in-the-muds. The affair has changed that for me. You need to stop fearing an argument, You need to communicate the issues that are going on and ask him why he thinks using depression to not do things you don't want to do. Guess thats why she cant keep a man or have a real relationship. I dont know what to do any,more. He claims it's his depression stopping him from wanting to do anything, but the problem is when he has his mind set on going or doing something he'll do it. We both are. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. All for some worthless, bunny boiling slut. My h and I were the same, it was my h brokenness stress and depression, midlife crsis (he had these dreams of retiring at 40) too, we hadnt argued, I was loving, faithful and there for him, there was really no reason for this to happen to us. I never did that very much, but now I try not to AT ALL. In that case, likely, hes just trying to better himself. That too is wrong. Ohh and the funny thing is, she wasnt on anything for depression. Two key things: our passion and our principles. The truth lies in the middle, where two selfish people made themselves look like all that and they were both stupid enough to think that someone who was willing to lie and deceive their spouse would magically be some honest, ethical person with THEM. I have even pointed a few of these things out to my husband, and said.gee, what would you have done if I acted/spoke like THAT? It IS easy to jump on the band wagon when everyone is picking apart their spouses. 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