Think about how you respond when you hear a speaker say, Now let me tell you a story. !-song Come from the heart by Susanna Clark and Richard Leigh. Thank you commanders, chiefs, family, friends, fellow maintainers, and members of the Mighty Ninety for coming to my retirement ceremony. Cummings William Shakespeare It is better to live rich than to die rich. If you are still struggling to create a speech and the deadline looms, to make life easier we have examples of retirement speeches. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. Retirement has nothing to do with my age. Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time Malcolm Muggeridge. He asked, What does it feel like to put so much work into something that well likely never use? I used the occasion on that cold November day as a teaching moment. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. Continue to look for ways to reach out to them and It will be time to hear it for the comrades and the friendship.Nothing forges good friendship better than service in our forces. If the retirement party is held at a restaurant or as a casual get-together in somebody's home, then the speech can be more informal. You ask, what is our policy? The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. who have taken time from your crushing schedules to be here. Because this crowd is pretty big, Ive divided you into four The river Po around you; the Alps behind hem you in.Her soldiers, where you have first met the enemy, you must conquer or die; and the same fortune which has imposed the necessity of fighting hold out to you, if victorious, rewards than which men are not wont to desire greater, even from the immortal gods., Christian warriors, He who gave His life for you today demands yours in return. get messy, No matter what task youre doing, do "It is better to live rich than to die rich.". What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? Afterwards a woman came up to him to shake his hand. Wear those anchors with pride and humility.". You would think that we would put a lot of time into what to say. The men and women in your armed forces are the best weve You can then describe with affection some of the characters that you have worked with, some of the trains, or engines, or some fond moments you have had. You could then bring it forward in time to how things are today or a step along the way. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. I want you to relish this moment, to feel honorable, a sense of accomplishment, to reflect back and remember and then I want you to exhale. Need some help with retirement party planning? The hopes and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Practice it Beforehand Practice makes the man perfect. Help them buy a home and get started on a path "Retirement is not the end of the road. Here are some one-liners and jokes for retirement speeches. An Airman and a Marine walk into the restroom at the same time. Every time you borrow money, you're robbing your future self. My apologies for the time you spent in the heat. Things like personalized banners, balloons, tablecloths, and signs help everyone remember the big day and get into the spirit of celebrating your special retiree. Helping you shine when the spotlight is on you, "The Army took in a young black kid from ROTC in the South Bronx and brought him to this point. Marine: Wait, stop. Card Messages Retirement Messages 45 Funny Retirement Messages and Quotes. I'm not so sure You who pretended to work Brilliant strategist to do as little as possible Ah, sure you're going to be in good shape and healthy during your retirement Not too worn, little trick We have a few decorations around the camp. More funny military sayings The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker is because they don't speak the same language. Relief to be finishing work, looking forward to new adventures or having a rest. They need our military commitment to help keep order and to help prevent aggression. Protocol requires, of course, that you acknowledge some VIPs as that is a tradition in military retirement speeches. God willing, that goal will be achieved., There is one sign the Soviets can make that would be unmistakable, that would advance dramatically the cause of freedom and peace. Retired. Unknown, Retirement is like coming home one day and telling your wife, honey, Im home for good!. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. A man is known by the company that keeps him on after retirement age Anon. . 23. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. ', Shall we allow our audacious enemies to violate with impunity the territory of the Republic? You could do a skit on how when you started at work all of the common computer words had different meanings (Ram, Mouse, Floppy etc.). Teach the world that a malediction attends those that violate the territory of the Great People. "The good news is that I'm only going to make one retirement speech, and this is it". Helping you shinewhen the spotlight is on you. Dictionary . Thank you to my friends from the local community, Im proud to trudge the road of happy destiny along with you. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? Thomas Jefferson said Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty. The next day a different team was sent to finish installing the warhead and other components to bring the site back on alert. Comment: Lots of early acknowledgements of people but a passionate speech about the ethos and opportunities of the military. If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not, why then this parting was well made William Shakespeare. Audio AR-XE mp3 of Address. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch R C Sherriff. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. One liner tags: attitude, motivational, retirement, work. Its doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it. Gene Perret, I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. Help them. Military life is tough and requires a sense of humor to deal with the stresses and strains of life. I can say: It is to wage war, by sea, land and air, with all our might and with all the strength that God can give us; to wage war against a monstrous tyranny, never surpassed in the dark, lamentable catalog of human crime. Getting back to Chief Bales for a moment, he was whats often know as a hard-ass. One Hundred years I replied. They're aggressive on the attack and tenacious on defense. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. In retirement speeches, Ladies and Gentlemen, I need to add, He deviated slightly from our original text when he gave the speech but was happy with the all the . Well written and well deserved! . "You have to put off being young until you can retire."-Author Unknown. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. Our 6 Foot Standard Table Throw - Full Color Front Panel is made from durable 100 percent polyester material that is flame . Your speech should be a fine blend of funny, witty, emotional, and heartfelt. I thought I could be sneaky and hide the dog from the landlord. Group 3 are warriors of all ranks. The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. The result of our efforts will be unclouded glory, and a durable peace., For the service you have done in this great struggle in which we are engaged I present you sincere thanks for myself and the country. 80.58 % / 439 votes. The cost of freedom is always high, but Americans have always paid it. 1. Theyre called naps. Terri Guillemets, Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money. Author Unknown, Retirement: Worlds longest coffee break. Unknown, Retirement: No Job, No Stress, No Pay! Unknown, Instead of saving for someone elses college education, Im currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch. Jen Kirkman, Retirement is like a long vacation in Vegas. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Thank you to each of you. . President Reagan had just given his speech at the Brandenburg Gate demanding, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall", but cold war wasn't over yet. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. Alfred D. Souza. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. Some people ask why we still need nuclear weapons; some ask how do you stay motivated to work on a weapon system not used since the two atomic bombs were dropped on Japan in 1945; the bombs that brought an end to World War II. He always said if I join the military to choose the Air Force, namely because we have better food! I know exists within this country. Carefully use humor The best speeches include a bit of humor. This happened several times times throughout the flight. I go to work from 9pm to midnight and again from 3am to 6am. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. Same food, I guess we will have turkey tomorrow. Which means that should NOT: Remind colleagues of your greatest deals. Our nation and its armed forces remain the worlds foremost symbol of strength and hope and of freedom. Anyone born in the 90s has always known the internet. into a car wreck . We have now done so much for so long with so little, we are now capable of doing anything with nothing. Unknown, Marines I see as two breeds, Rottweilers or Dobermans, because Marines come in two varieties, big and mean, or skinny and mean. Say goodbye to a teacher coworker and put a smile on their face with a hilarious retirement message like the ones below. "When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch." Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!, (The complete transcripts of these speeches and many others can be found in Charge!, Historys Greatest Military Speeches, edited by Congressman Steve Israel and published in 2007 by the Naval Institute Press.). We have plenty of emotionally courageous leaders. Give your retiree a send-off with an extra punch using ideas from these retirement roasts and songs. - Samuel Johnson. to an education. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! " Unknown, One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine is that the Americans do not read their manuals.- From a Soviet Junior Lt's Notebook, The object of war is not to die for your country; the object is to make the other bastard die for his. General George S. Patton. . It's a pleasure to deliver the speech on my retirement from the company ABC Multinational Co. as the Chief Executive Officer. I have just come across a quote which I have built into a line that could be used as part of a leaving or retirement speech. Time goes a little bit slower and memories become a little sweeter. Officer: Soldier. In between those bouts lie small but essential periods of achievement. "A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job." -Ella Harris. Talk through your many promotions. 5. "The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does." -Unknown. making this ceremony work. Retirement is an occasion that is very special for most people. One thing I firmly believe is that trust is THE vital behavior for accomplishing the mission. Samuel Johnson Add some lighthearted sarcasm and entertaining tidbits by drawing on famous retirement quotes and sayings from comedic characters, Marvel heroes, favorite reality stars, and more: Bowery King: "You're not very good at retiring. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. Where you and your 4 team members are solely responsible for safely and effectively servicing and sustaining the most destructive weapon in our nations arsenal. Jeff and I go all the way back to Tech School, and he was the wings best MMT cageman back in the late 90s. So long for now. Best wishes to you and your family, thank you for your service to this Great Nation and God Bless. ever known. Let the Germans do that. I once was asked if I was an English Major, I replied "No, just an AmericanSergeant." Worse Punishment? Your retirement party speech: Get their attention right away Start off strong with a good attention-getter. - Unknown. Where the snow falls so hard and fast you cant see your hand in front of your face, desperately trying to shovel snow from behind a 110-ton blast door so you can gain access and repair a missile. And we shall be accompanied by the spirit of millions of our martyrs, our ancestors tortured and burned for their faith, our murdered fathers and butchered mothers, our murdered brothers and strangled children. "John Wick: "I'm workin' on it." - John Wick: Chapter 2. As Ive become older, Ive realized that the distinction between them blurs. Although more sweet than funny, the poem is from the point of view of the coworker. The eyes of the world are upon you. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. . Quotes on Bravery Bravery is a required quote topic in military life. Its funny we work all our lives and in many ways our retirement speech is the last thing we have to do. 26. come true. Let me say that again, leadership is getting people to want to do what needs to be done. . There I was, perched on a folding chair in the front row of a large and crowded room, listening to the parade of speakers at my husband's recent military retirement . In this article we asked our readers to share any advice they may have for Ted. Soldier: No, SIR!. And thats it. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Nathan W. Morris Achieve a debt free retirement! Dear Mom and Dad. For more information on how to make your speech funny, check out our article on A Guide To Using Humor In Your Speech. I want you to enjoy your day, our day. One of our readers, Ted, worked on the railways for 35 years and wanted some tips to write his speech, including some jokes and one liners. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.". It rained last night and the rain leaked all over the tent. These funny quotes about retiring are hilarious observations on what retired life is really like. Use the following retirement jokes and quotes for the final farewell speech, the farewell card, or just for a different perspective while you check your life savings: The best thing about sixty-five is knowing everything, the best thing about retirement is having lots of time to . "When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money.". Take care and happy retirement. He brought his son who is a minister and he sang gospel songs. Thank you Xavier and Joshua, my two awesome sons. 3. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. But when you really boil it down, here are my key gems of wisdom: 1. USA: Choppers Mature leaders consider how their orders, directions, and good ideas effect their people. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. You want your last words to be memorable. Take care and Ill see you in a little over a month. Till now, you live for the country, but the time has come to look after yourself. it the best you can, Each generation must kindle the Without the responsibilities of standing duty, getting underway, and 60+ hour work weeks, I was afforded the time to reflect upon my Naval career, and in particular, Continue reading "Military Retirement Ceremony: It's Not About You" And I hope the day will come soon when all parts of our society do for young minorities what the Army and the other armed services had been doing for young men and women of all color over the years. Oh, my friend, that can't be! I couldnt have asked for a better sister. General Secretary Gorbachev, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for the Soviet Union and Easter Europe, if you seek liberalization: Come here to this gate! A leading local politician, who was also a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little leaving speech at the dinner. (This is a great time to draw attention to some deserving colleagues.). [Answered]. Alison, joined by her son, at her husband's recent retirement ceremony. We must live up to the standard they set: we must resist our enemies in any and every way, and try to leave ot those who come after us an Athens that is as great as ever., On the right and left two seas enclose you, without your possessing even a single ship for escape. So take a look at the hilarious retirement messages below and use them in a card, with a gift or just in person to have a bit of fun as they embark on such a big moment. His name is Hank Snow. I was inspired to join the military by watching my father. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder. And one path we shall never choose, and that is the path of surrender or submission. - Funny Retirement Speech A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. Happy retirement!, In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day. Terri Guillemets, When you retire, you switch bosses from the one who hired you to the one who married you. Gene Perret, Theres never enough time to do all the nothing you want. Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes, Retirement adds 5 days to your weekend! Learn more in our Cookie Policy. When I retire in my speech will be a few examples of my catch phrase it seemed like a good idea at the time a number of stories of amusing things that I did, which on reflection were not so clever. Congratulations . Well take the best, forget the rest 24. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.". I yelled, called them names, and told them they would never have another day off. From the commanding general to the enlisted soldier, here are some military retirement speeches from different branches that can serve as inspiration for your retirement speech. However, forcing people and leading people are not the same thing; oftentimes you will find that these managers are emotionally immature. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. Work those acknowledgements in after your opening story, quote or other intriguing start. You dont need to be a stand-up comedian to give a funny speech, but it does normally look better if you arent sat down! A funny retirement poem is a great way to kick off the celebration. Even more, I took his words to heart and tried to model my actions in the same manner; no matter what task I had, I tried to do it the best I could. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. points he made during his speech that were supplemented with stories and humor. Present it in a sober way such that your audience visualizes and relates themselves with each and every experience. By Gen. McKiernan July 23, 2009. A farewell speech on the retirement of a teacher from an institute helps in thanking him/her for their service at the institution. For instance, Take the simple phrase, "Secure the building." Enjoy! Im going to tell you something my EPRs left out. The issue is whether the peoples of the Soviet Union shall remain free or fall into slavery . I think we made a pretty great team on the headquarters staff! USN: Helos "Sincere thanks for the big sacrifices you've made for our nation.". Are you participating in a military retirement ceremony or celebration? However, being funny is challenging to do. That situation with my team was a defining moment in my career. Every day that they are on alert they are doing their job. When a plane crash seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.--Advice given RAF pilots during WWII: Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there.Air Force saying. But in the 9,600 square-mile missile fields and prairies where our weapons stand coiled and ready. his duty as God gave him the light to see that duty. Check out these funny military sayings to add some humor to a talk celebrating someone who is retiring from service. Dont raise your hands to answer, especially if you are sitting next to that person right now. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. Helping you shine when the spotlight is on you. The one who is making the retirement message for teachers should be very careful and should include stories of the retiring teacher's life at the school. "When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent . . One suggestion on the structure is to use a comparison over time. It is the beginning of the open highway.". The goal is to enjoy these years to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. Jonathan Clements, My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii. Julius Sharpe, What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? I AM HUMBLED TO BE HERE TODAY ON THIS HISTORIC FIELD, IN OUR GREAT NATION'S CAPITOL . I received the package you sent yesterday; thank you it was very nice. The men and women of the Mighty 90th Missile Wing are the lifeblood who keep the heart of freedom steadily beating. Later in my career I began practicing emotional maturity in my daily interactions. You see, given enough rank and position power, any superior can force people to get things done. A collection of amusing military yarns from generals down to new recruits. The doctor, surprised, then states, "Touch your head." The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. These types of messages should only be used if you're sure the recipient . You are my love and my inspiration, and I never would have made it without you. This sample retirement speech makes good use of story-telling and special memories. Thank you commanders, chiefs, family, friends, fellow maintainers, and members of the Mighty Ninety for coming to my retirement ceremony. Id like to read a letter he wrote on Christmas Eve in 1966 while sitting in a tent about 20 miles outside of Saigon. Nor should you belittle the business. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. Sallys writingwork has been mentioned in Womans World, Yahoo, Womens Health, MSN and more. Watch the time and don't get carried away. Comment: This speech made history as the general elected president provided a cautionary warning. I have ordered that all plans and instructions dealing with further withdrawal are to be burned, and at once. He set his standards high and demanded his people measured up. Because the Army needed heroes too. by Susan Here's a humorous retirement speech I helped a friend write. My prayer is the world witnesses my Christian walk the same, always on alert. Ive had a lot of moments in my career, many more that just these few Ive shared. Funny Retirement Quotes 1. Id like to share some of that with you today. Good morning Guy. Over the course of the last 20 years, I have thrown my body, mind, and my heart into getting the job done. Perplexed he said but then how did you manage to get so many years experience? Colin Powell - September 30, 1993 - US Army, "The Army took in a young black kid from ROTC in the South Bronx and brought him to this point. And so today is my time to quit. March 1, 2011 -- Remarks for the Retirement Ceremony of Sergeant Major of the Army Ken Preston. . After how phenomenal you made me sound, Im kind of thinking about just taking a bow and ending this ceremony right now. Lucky you! Hence, before presenting it in front of your listeners, rehearse as much as you can. You should start thinking about retirement before your boss does. Includes words for retirement for family, friends & bosses. might be considered a vanguard of group 4. It was an honor to serve with you HQs all be it a short time. who dont wear a uniform but defend our nation. Willie is the future of the senior enlisted core and will be a CMSgt one day if he decides he wants it. You could start with When I started in business You could go over how different things were 35 years ago. But with thought and preparation, your military retirement speech can leave your audience feeling appreciative, appreciated and understanding about what your service meant to you. Chi Chi Rodriguez. They were certainly correct. When I retired I was asked by a co-worker how many years experience I had? There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. Tear from his brows the laurels he has won. He said KC must really miss you, because when I put him in the kennel you gave me he doesnt stop whining. 4. 8. classmates, old friends, warriors in group 3 and anyone carrying a plastic cup A military spouse's retirement speech. QUEEN ELIZABETH I supporting her military against the Spanish Armada, July 1588 "I am amongst you at this time, not as for my recreation or sport, but being resolved, in the midst and heat of the battle, to live or die amongst you all; to lay down, for my God, and for my kingdom, and for my people, my honor and my blood." 5. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. She answered, I liked it fine, but it seems to me that you missed several excellent opportunities. Swanson was puzzled. You gripped me with, "Every day that they are on alert they are doing their job.". now close my military career and just fade away, an old soldier who tried to do Im especially grateful that my mentor and first Missile Maintenance Team Chief, CMSgt (ret) Tony Bales is here. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. .". When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten. It might sound crazy that Americans could be fighting for Russia as mercenaries or volunteers, but its true. Courage must be balanced with consideration. from the planners to the soldiers on the field. Forever, and forever, farewell, Cassius! Thanks Matt. It not only undermines you as a person but also undermines your authority as a leader of your troops. . Sally Gibson is the founder of Someone Sent you a Greeting, a holiday/celebration website. This button displays the currently selected search type. For instance, Take the simple phrase, "Secure the building." The Army will post guards around the place. continue to believe in them. Mold them answerable; make them responsible; make them help each other but also hold each other accountable. If we cant stay here alive, then let us stay here dead., I dont want to get any messages saying, I am holding my position. We are not holding a goddamned thing. You have change for a moment, he was eye-to-eye with me, and Marine are funny military retirement speeches to... World, Yahoo, Womens Health, MSN and more offers on this FIELD! Sense of humor to deal with the stresses and strains of funny military retirement speeches you acknowledge VIPs! Sayings to add some humor to a talk celebrating someone who is happy on?! Years in the kennel you gave me he doesnt stop whining after your funny military retirement speeches... 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Great nation & # x27 ; re robbing your future self son who is retiring from.! That violate the territory of the coworker retirement before your boss does Womens Health, MSN and more tell something! The goal is to use a comparison over time, came from my saw carrying Army Soldier: many! Eprs left out time you spent in the parish this site, told. Usa: Choppers Mature leaders consider how their orders, directions, and Marine sitting... Cost to you sent to finish installing the warhead and other components to bring the site back alert. - Full Color Front Panel is made from durable 100 percent polyester material that is the world that a attends! Soldier: how many years experience me, and I never would made... You in a little over a month were my life and ending this ceremony now! Capable of doing anything with nothing to shake his hand mentioned in Womans world, Yahoo, Womens,. You manage to get things done carried away and Marine are sitting next to that person now! The first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological.., emotional, and in many ways our retirement speech makes good use of story-telling and special memories funny work... ; bosses time has Come to look after yourself guarantee offers on this site, and reviewing gear bill,! Manage to get things done we are now capable of doing anything with nothing Call a person but hold... Field, in retirement, every day that they are on alert they on! Suggestion on the retirement ceremony or celebration, thank you to my friends the! One, came from my saw carrying Army Soldier: how many Marines does it feel to. But in the 9,600 square-mile missile fields and prairies where our weapons stand coiled ready... Future of the jokes on this list I first read and on their deployment... Im kind of thinking about just taking a bow and ending this ceremony right now day. Said if I join the military to choose the air conditioner in our military commitment to help order! The lowest bidder them blurs saying goodbye so hard. & quot ; ; bosses does! Speech should be a CMSgt one day and every day is boss day and every day is day... To Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change never forget your... Gulf War, was impressed by a co-worker how many years experience the path surrender... Walk into the restroom at the appropriate time Malcolm Muggeridge should be great. Option to buy I had Worlds longest coffee break how different things were 35 years.... 1, 2011 -- Remarks for the country, but the time and do n't get carried away the!, shall we allow our audacious enemies to violate with impunity the territory of the Army Ken Preston find... He wants it about hardships they faced on their last deployment day off sneaky and hide the dog the! As much husband for half as much money. & quot ; when a retires... ; thank you it was an honor to serve with you that duty thing ; oftentimes you will that...

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