Avoiding divorce, men have two choices, acceptance/celibacy or cheating. I will probably need to work into my 70s or as long as I am able. I have never been a man so I cannot empathize with a man. Sigh I dont even want to see anyone else. Especially because . Gopa explains how it can be detrimental to your physical intimacy. I have had a suspicious breast biopsy. Think before you do what you do. This whole situation sucks for all of us. No way you are real!!! Below are a few potential reasons that might explain why your wife is not interested in you sexually. Is it me or does it seem like sex therapists and experts are lacking, some seem hedonistic? Once you restore an emotional connection, your physical one is sure to follow. One of the scariest reasons your wife wont have sex with you may be that she has feelings or is being intimate with someone else. My wife and I have been a couple for 51 years (since 1971). Feel like I wasted my life!!! I hear ya. We both have health issues She would still complain of pain. , such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. Married 50years and our sex life never really got going. Sadly that BIG thing was Give Up Sex and just get over it. Get some technique. My first wife and I married when we were 21. Im throwing my partner out the door due to his rants and anger over lack of sex. Its all a crock. Getting out of the friend zone with your wife will require you to find another zone for yourself. When I was single I would simply break off a relationship when the sexual problems would start. Because I am not attractive to her. Our world is obsessed with sex and without understanding the unity of compassion, respect, close bonds after many years of being together. You either need to leave or stay in it knowing that she is sexless towards you. It's possible that you and your wife simply have different needs when it comes to sex. You definitely dont get it. I mean how do you do that if your married? When she was in the mood, my wife really enjoyed sex and had great orgasms, but that mood hit less and less frequently. As a socialite in many women sponsored events, I believe her marriage status is important in her social circle than her marriage itself. And pressure is a total libido killer that can set off a cycle of sexual avoidance, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, M.A. NOw he works well and Im proud of him for that. She mentioned that I find a sex partnerI dont know. Anyway, I was so turned on by this guy (in love too)that just seeing him or us simply hugging was a major Turn-On. Recently, he has been distant unloving and disrespectful towards me. The gender doesnt matter here, but if you have trust issues, its eventually going to lead to resentment. That happens with prostate removal and my father had that and my mother didnt have to have sex with him anymore. She even went from sleeping naked in bed to full pajamas and on the rare occsion she would have sex to me, remove only her panties like a robot. All I can say that my sexual desire was immediately and irreversibly shut off like a light switch. He has no desire. I say, screw your desire lol. If divorce is not an option then get involved outside the home. As long as we had a steady job and didnt look like Shrek, shed settle for us. This kind of if the man would only be more __ advice saturates the internet and its usually written by people with degrees instead of wisdom. So, I know my only option is accept this is my life from here on. Genuinely compliment your wife and make her feel sexy again. To send your questions directly to Joan, email sexpert@seniorplanet.org. Im just not happy & want much more for in life. Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy and work through your issues together, as a team. Married 23 years. I worked my butt of the keep a sexless marriage away. The two C words! 16 years being married. Whatever the case, do your best and work with your wife to restore that spark in your marriage. I literally want sex daily and extremely sleep deprived because many nights I am rock hard all night long. I cant hurt her, no way! If your wife doesnt feel attractive anymore, she may shy away from undressing in front of you. It's possible that your wife is no longer attracted to you or perhaps no longer interested in being married to youthough just note, a lowered libido alone is not necessarily indicative of a larger problem with the relationship. Couples can even have a thriving sex life during their 40s, if they wish to do so. No amount of therapy, joint or individual, will fix this issue. I fail to see the point of continuing further. She would reluctantly use lubrication when I complained and promised to find a solution. If you deny one you put a wall around the other. That killed it for me. She put in over $300K on our $1M house and I told her we may need to sell it when my youngest graduates high school. You said, So my question to the men here. The fact that she cant be bothered to take a few minutes in the shower to manually make things right tells you everything you need to know. Truthfully, the solo routine is rather old. But here I sit.pissed off. Therefore, building and maintaining an emotional rapport is extremely essential not just for a robust sex life but also for the overall health of the relationship. . She has no interest in any positions other than missionary even though I love other positions. Look, we have all pretty much aged our of sexual adventurism but our minds refuse to accept it. She knows this but never initiates. He started blaming his medication but when I checked that out he moved on to another excuse. Instead, tell her how much you love being intimate with her, not only because it feels great but because it makes you feel more connected to her. Same issue here. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer in older men and when the prostate is removed during surgery it makes a man totally impotent no erection, no ejaculation, no orgasm plus total incontinence which means the post cancer patient needs to wear Depends diapers for the rest of his life. Sounds like case of no money no honey. Its been a lonely and humiliating experience. . But you cant fix a problem if you dont know the cause. Weekly turned into Monthly then every 3 or 4 months question about sex. We enjoy our company, share similar hobbies, have a lovely family and house, like to travell together, share chores ( I make a gourmet breakfast every Sunday) dont really have financial issues apart from the normal stress episodes, and above all we love each other dearly or at least we say it all the time! Is it something we should split over? ( Keep cardio to a minimum and stay away from the weight machines) I kid you not. I love her to death but cant stand to be around her anymore. Jack- SHe aint lost brother. I dont know why Im still here. The last time we tried, she complained of the pain even with lubrication. Now after almost 50 years of marriage, I get two aging people going through the motions of life with a hug and a quick peck on the lips because to desire more means I am stressing him out or asking too much. She is just plain not sexually attracted to me. Lifes too damn short for no pleasure. When this happens I can not go back to sleep so my sleep is totally disrupted to the point of causing me to be unable to go about my day normally. We have had a fall out now and it is the elephant 2nd doctor also said the same thing. Due to major health issues and aging, we just quit altogether. So maybe try treating he how you did when first met. We dated for 30 years and finally got married. Some doctors will prescribe testosterone and advise DHEA supplementation. Sometimes I wish he would go. Maybe, she knows of your infidelity, but hasnt spoken about it? Very few people in my club and I sincerely hope not many more people join, Mike G, If you're feeling rejected sexually, spice up your appearance. Id be interested to find out your age. Feel like I have him a lifetime!!! Jos!! In fact, according to WebMD, there are multiple causes that will negatively affect the sexual desire in a woman. Dont you dare accuse all men of being selfish and unhelpful. The nipple is not an on and off switch. Before I married my second wife, Vicky told me she made a terrible mistake, still loves me and wanted back. * RECOMMENDED CONFIGURATION VARIABLES: EDIT AND UNCOMMENT stop insultiing cats. If the marriage has made you take your personal hygiene for granted, this lax attitude could be a total turn-off for her. Just need the fortitude to go. But it nearly tore us apart. All rights reserved. If its just drynesswhich is common as women ageas well as using lubricant youll also want to be sure that your wife is aroused, even before any genital touching. If there's no intimacy in your marriage from your wife and you've realized that she may be suffering through mental health issues, Bonobology's panel of experienced therapists can help guide your partner through this turbulent time, and perhaps re-establish the harmonious relationship you yearn for. Im in the same situation with my overweight, lazy, 48 year old wife. She has the house and I have my private place seperate from the main house. I am a little older but want intimacy so bad. My wife and I have been married 20 years. Our finances are so intermingled that to divorce means we cut our incomes in half facing either no sex or no home or food. I NEED an active partner. That you are incapable or unwilling to engage in a relationship with a woman as an equal says a lot more about you than it does about marriage. , motherhood, or work anxiety can cause your wife to feel too overwhelmed for intimacy. Maybe she rejects your sexual advances whenever you make them, and it's been a long while since you've had sex with each other. In this case, you can turn the tide for your sex life by simply becoming more involved in running the household and making your wife feel special by going the extra mile toreduce her burden. Ive tried to convey this, but without success. He tries to manipulate me about everything and after 30 years of marriage I am over it. But, and hopefully it is, if you still connect at that level in any way, please do so. We went to a number of therapists but none were able to help. Yes. Now that I am 62 years old I can say his description of what happens is spot on. When someone Denys you something so fundamentally important, it is Not Cheating to I feel your frustration. I have done the majority of housework including doing the major role of raising our children from Pre school to leaving home. She wants no part of it. Its ridiculous. And Im okay with that. Thats a depressing thought too. I feel I am supportive, helpful, etc but know Im not perfect. She continued to have sex for a while but that eventually ended and we havent had sex now in over 5 years. I suppose that his stomach, which is huge, the fact that he cant really get hard, and the fact that sex takes forever are some of the reasons why I no longer want to have sex. Wow wish my hubby was so attentive as you! I can offer a small piece of advise. I domt have to put up with that. Married 30 years now. One of you simply wants sex more often than the other does. Just had to compliment you on what you are doing for your husband, and I agree that sex makes you feel young again, and believe when you say that your whole body feels like youre in your 20s again. He just didnt want me and wanted to be left alone, in his world. Her 90-year-old mother lives with us, and I love her like my own mom. They have cheated on us with themselves and their selfishness! I dont know where to start. Since husbands are usually thought to be the problem regardless of whether the wife or the husband doesnt want sex, I should say that I do my fair share (50%+) of house chores, am emotionally supportive of her, and a nice guy, but that is irrelevant. Would you prefer I see prostitutes or have a girlfriend on the side to take care of my needs? You are the problem/ Can you blame her? More than once, our perfunctory mutual masturbation sessions were unsuccessful for me because I couldnt get hard. If theres resentment in the marriage, its bound to manifest itself in a sexless marriage. Without going into details - I am 100% certain that it was satisfying for both of us. If your wife is pregnant or has had a baby in the last year, it could be a mix of pure exhaustion and wild hormones that are causing her libido to be off kilter. An endocrinologist told me he had never seen that before. Like, whats wrong with me? Quick and fast is also good. I work, cook, clean, fix I dont drink or do any drugs. Can we please talk about how we each feel about sex in our relationship? My doctor has tried several medications to stop any and all sexual feelings that I feel , but the side effects have always been so adverse that none of them worked out. I mean, we have a nightly generic kiss and slight hug say goodnight. 25 Romantic Things To Say To Your Husband, 12 Things To Do When Husband Is Not Affectionate Or Romantic, 7 Ways To Get The Romance Back After Having A Baby, 10 Best-Selling Relationship Books Couples Can Read Together, How To Make Up For Forgetting Your Anniversary 8 Ways To Do It. You say you dont know if youre doing foreplay right. A lot of my friends say their husbands are like that, too. Our sexual problems are much more complex because I have accepted the fact that she really wants to be intimate but the cost is too high. All the way. He was several yrs younger than me, Ive Never been married & Ive had a half dozen BFs or so. Sounds like you were already successful and that attracted her to you. Please help. For most women, sexual desire is fueled by romantic feelings for their partner. I dont know if thats whats happening for her, and of course the only way to know is to ask her. And the source of so many sleepless nights is that person who promised to love and honor us until death dobus part and who still possess a mouth and fingers and the ability to do just that. I have never, nor will I ever cheat. After 35 years, I want to be with my wife more than ever, not less. OATS and Senior Planet are charitable affiliates of AARP: | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy. And one factor is being a caregiver. A little flirting, some sex, and shed start pushing for a ring. You may have become so engrossed in your work or friends that you just dont spend quality time with your wife. Im affectionate and do everything, but Im tired So I turn to porn and search things that include wife. And thats where I get my relief. She looks at it like I was cheating on her. We have been married 10 years and he has never touched me in an intimate way, or never had sex or even tried. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. I cant have sex do to pain and believe me I truly hat it. I just cant keep going like this. I would like to ask her if well ever have a sex life again, but she has a hard time talking about it. I hate her for cheating me out of sex. I was already starting to think that I was a man born in a womans body!!! Now Im in my mid-50s, but have no problems whatsoever getting primed for sex. I am planning a divorce, as I wont live out the remaining 20-30 years of my life without love and affection. Self-love is the answer, but you can help, too. Scented coconut oil is a great way to give her a message. If a couple's sex life continues to follow a routine that doesn't tend to feel good for the woman, she may lose interest in having sex entirely. Remember what you felt, believed, and why. I dont look my age at all! Weve been married 27 years, sex I understand all the reasons she doesnt want sex except one, if she actually loves me wouldnt there be some effort? Surprise her by getting a sitter and taking her to a nice dinner. Sadly so, leave! After the Revenge cheat she had the nerve to Therapy will help you identify the issues underlying the lack of sex, teach you how to communicate more effectively, give you strategies for regaining your intimacy if shes willing, and tools for coping if shes not, and offer you the boost you need to work on your relationship. I told him we could stay married/faithful to each other without any type of sex/sexual contact. I found him to be the most attractive man Ive ever met! I hope the partner didnt expect to share the celibacy. For a woman, as she ages, she needs time to get into that sexual mindset and anticipation is a great aphrodisiac. I dont mean to downgrade the pain someone feels with this, but there are levels to everything. I can understand why youre anxious about talking to your wife about this, but communication is the only way youll get out of this impasse. If you have a hunch your wife is dealing with body image issues, gently bring it up with her, and see if there are ways you can support herwithout making it seem like you're critiquing her body or suggesting she needs to change the way she looks. I only wrote this, to just say it. It literally changed our lives. Plus why would you want to have sex with someone who isnt interested? When your partner wont touch you, its important to take a look at any mental health issues that may be affecting them. In such cases, it is imperative to get the right kind of help and hold your wifes hand through this extremely challenging journey. If you think your wife avoids intimacy because of an underlying condition, its best to seek medical help at the earliest. And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. Weve been married for 26 years, she is 51, and she has had maybe 4 years total where she was interested in sex. It's not about love - you love him, no question. I am very hormonal being athletic and take DHEA supplements which enhance desire. Would you be willing to see a therapist with me to learn how to talk about this? We did have sex on occasion but we would go months in between, not my idea, finally he stopped and said he had no more interest or ambition to have sex. Another reason "my wife never initiates physical contact" may be due to hormonal changes. We have no children. This is probably not the case between a wife and husband who have lost a level of intimacy in their relationship. No way! i do not want to go outside the marriage so i guess living with the problem is the. Just because one grows older doesnt mean that sex is over. I have often thought about having an affair but I just dont know how to approach going that direction. Ive been married three times and my third wife is the number one compared to the first three. . If your wife feels less overburdened with household responsibilitiesand sees you making an active effort to take on your share of the loadyou might find she has more time, energy, and interest in sex. if you want to get married for children just understand that your wife will stop wanting to have sex with you after she gets her babies. I suggested just me doing him and he close his eyes and touch me nope. We love them. Should I let him go elsewhere? I am not allowed in the shower/bathroom when she is showering or changing. Im 54 and my husband and I enjoy each others company but he does not want to engage in physical affection or intimacy. Weve been married nearly 39 years and needless to say the last couple of decades I could have done without his aloofness. He shows no interest or emotional desire to engage in sex or affection. If you're dealing with other problems in the relationshipan ongoing argument, an affair, disagreements about decisions related to the kids or work or money, literally anythingthen those tensions may seep into your sex life. Im 57 and my husband is 56 years old. The Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health published a study that found low levels of self-esteem harmed a womans sexual functions. Most importantly, talk to her about it! Arthritis: No Cure, But Ways to Ease the Pain. I am desperate. Cheating is easy and you deserve it . Without the energy of wooing, the fear of missing out if we do not woo, we fall into complacency and boredom. Couples counseling can help the two of you get back on track in your marriage and the bedroom. Besides intercourse itself, she turns me away when I attempt to initiate some sort of intimacy by kissing or stroking, things she used to love in the past. You were something OTHER. And for the love of god stop watching fake porn. When we met, it was amazing. Husbands (and I was one) are men who figured out too late that they are being played for fools. You need to be in the counseling with her because if there is no goal to overcome the issue then its just a feel good talk of sympathy and thats not treatment. Now its too late. As I mentioned before, the lack of physical contact can be due to a myriad of reasons.. He is ten years older. Many health issues can affect a woman's sexual desire, from diabetes to chronic pain conditions to cancer. She just isnt attracted to me. But on the other side Id the coin, Im dying for not having any kind of touch. In good times, sex it a wonderful way to give and receive love. I wish you well and hope you find some consolation My beliefs are that I cannot step outside my marriage and commitment and it cost me some very good relationships with other women. Tell her that you love her. Even if he cant accept the divorce is coming!!! Many seniors are in the same situation and we feel your pain. Its not an option. That communication will be open and honest, and circumstances in lifegood or bad, should never break this mutual promise. She says she loves me but cant stand to touch me. I feel very bitter about it and although there have been compensations in our marriage- children and now grandchildren I have found her lack of interest difficult to cope with. I still plan/need to continue working in a high tech job many hours a week, with excellent insurance, which is fortunate, and there is no way she can drive or work for several decades now. He wanted to break the monotony in the relationship, but she simply wouldnt open up. But no sex. She chose to be sexless, so now she has another choice to make. Count your blessings mate! I wonder if it could be depression (something he wouldnt admit to), but its been going on a long time. Id be saying goodbye! Foreplay isnt just in the bedroom before sex. I think in many cases a therapist is in order but if only one party wants this and the other refuses to address the problem or go to a therapist, then the stalemate will undoubtedly continue unabated until well, divorce or death, whichever comes first! Its at least mean . And perhaps. Ive been led to believe Im the selfish one for thinking of leaving just over sex. You cant have me, but you cant have anybody else, is the most selfish and controlling position possible. We males, as the so perceived alphas in these situations, just accept and go along with the flow without ever considering the other; the what if . Susan I think many men would find your comments upsetting. While its true that marriage isnt for everyone, it certainly isnt worthless. Take care. If that is in fact part of the problem, then there nothing that I can do or hope to do. 5. We could have worked it out. I havent yet but I am going to find sex outside my home. I fear I will never know physically intimacy again in this marriage, I keep holding out hope, which is why I stay. If you didnt leave before the first kid arrived, you were in for a life sentence. "Sexuality will often emerge naturally from their authentic emotional intimacy.". Prostate cancer or vaginal dryness does not preclude you from meeting the sexual needs of your partner out of laziness and a lack of giving a shit. She doesnt even let me see her naked. Satan worked this into the sexual revolution and feminism (not that either were inherently bad) so that his message has overtaken THE Word of God that says tons of times to do it and do it often. Weve been married for 37 years. Now ASAP get a life please. Have you considered opening your relationship or swinging together? 1. Sorry long diatribe. Ill keep this short, but I could write a short novel. The more I got, the more I wanted. What to do about it: Make time to emotionally connect with each other and rekindle your soul connection. I was disabled when she met me, so Im it cant be because of money. My shower massagers has gotten me through years but it never will replace that hard feeling down inside me that I long for, yet believe now I will never feel again and Im only in my 50s. What about the emotional security of being held while you sleep? I am very sexually frustrated and a different Danish upbringing with a healthy attitude. If thats the case, try to build a successful relationship after cheating; own up to your mistakes, have a heart-to-heart conversation with her and assure her that its all in the past. Its bad. This break down could be for a number of reasons: Some are directly related to her man. Really connect. You may be ok with the situation youve created.. thats one thing, but to act as though youre merely tolerating the situation as a martyr is pure BS. I love him as much as the air I breathe, but I just wish he would realize Im suffering and offer that its ok for me to have some on the side. Every new relationship begins with a promise of love, intimacy and affection. Addie Foreplay doesnt start in the bedroom, foreplay is EVERY day regardless if sex is on the table or not. I think Im in love and theres no turning back. When is the last time you did something romantic for her without expecting sex in return? And please dont tell me counseling. I am talking about virtual reality and toys for Men like the flesh light, that can at least make the situation bearable. Or should I just accept her celibacy and masturbate when I need release? Addie,maybe we should trade spouses.lol.im in the same boat you are.i love to get intamate and hug and kiss and cuddle.my wife 0.unreal.she told me the other day she dont even like sex anymore after we had it.how nice to say that.unreal. We cant really talk about it because the very subject causes her great depression because she feels like its all her fault and that she is failure as a lover. When's the last time you two had a long, heartfelt conversation? I thank you for stating in so frank a manner every frustration that has engulfed me for over 40 years. 80s, are victims of the same injustice and gender paradigms you are experiencing. Got lost there. I feel Im too old to do anything to cause me to have to be alone. Counseling is usually the way out but unfortunately most people in a relationship dont want to go that route (or at least one of them doesnt). I hope to eventually meet another same sex partner willing to take her time and see what works. But now living with you is not what she thought it would be and she closes shop on you. After my wife lost interest, I told her that we either opened our marriage or divorced. Her vagina is dry as a bone and she doesnt like penetration at all, either from me or her own fingers. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can improve your sex life tremendously. Please ask your husband if hell see a counselor with you to save your marriage. Your wife may not know how to put up her mom hat for the day and refocus on herself, which includes enjoying every aspect of her marriage. My wife lost interest in sex years ago. I have tried to have a heartfelt conversation but he is not willing to talk about it. 7. Thats it, you said it thats what the woman loves. If there is resentments in the home then it will not happen. He has no interest. I understand, Im in the same position, although not as long of a time period without sex. In most cases, Ive seen that when one partner is depressed, after a period of time, the other starts to feel depressed as well. I am 62 years old and a healthy man with sexual needs. If his wife refuses to explore solutions he will need to tell her the following. Please enable JavaScript to view the comments powered by Disqus. But it isnt. The guy is a magnet! I have the same problem and there isnt a answer. I am really starting to think that sex was not made for pleasure, but for reproduction and when the reproductive years end for a woman, so does her desire for sex diminishes or ends and men that still have a desire, suffer in silence or become broke from a divorce and visiting prostitutes. I understand women loss interest but still love there husbands and dont want a divorce and most of the time its the same for the guy, I just wish women would be open to their husbands having discreet affairs, not prostitutes just flings.

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